i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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