Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
