God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
