Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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