it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My cat gives me a boner
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize