He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
