The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
