Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
