I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize