So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im six kinds of drunk right now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize