I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
