He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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