Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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