my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
