he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
