puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
