By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
