I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
