btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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