i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
