we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
