They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
