hell yes lets make some ravioli
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
