i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
