My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just high enough for therapy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
