i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
