My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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