you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
