Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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