oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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