meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
