dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
