some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
