her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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