He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
