I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
