Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
