The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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