I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
