benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
