By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize