I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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