i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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