Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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