I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
