Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize