U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
