Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
