There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
