Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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