I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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