it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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