I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
