I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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