i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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