after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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