haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
