she woke up with a sticky ear
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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