She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
