Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
