12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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