At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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