i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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