Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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