Already got asked if we're dating
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
