every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
