My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
