hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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