I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
