i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
