you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
