I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
