you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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